


Untitled

by kelseycurtis



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, F/M, Feelings, Feels, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Love Confessions, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 20:44:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19117360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelseycurtis/pseuds/kelseycurtis
Summary: A angsty writing challenge entry for a challenge on Tumblr ages ago...I don't remember why I didn't upload it hereEdward Nygma now has the chance to rekindle a long lost romance but Emeralds PTSD and anxiety holds her back from accepting his love.





	Untitled

I can’t fall in love with you. I dont want the pain that comes with it

Emeralds P.O.V

I glanced at the clock, it was getting late and I was preparing for bed. I muted the TV, so I could listen for anybody outside my apartment whilst I went about my new nightly routine. I went from room to room making sure all the windows were locked and secure. I checked for the gun under the pillow, making sure it was still fully loaded. Jerome’s old switchblade sat open on my bedside table, ready to use at a moments notice. I then headed to the door of my apartment, locking it and putting the bolt and chain locks in place. I made sure all the curtains were covering the windows. I turned the TV off before turning the lounge and kitchen light off. I left the hall light on, it offered a form of comfort. I brushed my teeth and climbed into bed. 

It had been four months since I had last had contact with Jeremiah. I wasn't getting my hopes up. I knew it would only be a matter of time before he found me. And this time I had no doubt he'd kill me. Last time I'd gotten lucky, I'd managed to get to Eddie in time before I bled out. I knew I'd have to spend the rest of my life in hiding, always looking over my shoulder. But that was better than being a personal punching bag. Barbara, Oswald, Victor and Eddie had all offered me places to stay but I didnt want to put them in danger so here I was living alone. It gave me room to breathe and think things through. I had fight and escape plans just in case an occasion arose. 

My apartment was simple, but cosy. I didnt need much to keep me busy, some good books and a little TV here and there. I did my best to keep away from the news, just in case Jeremiah popped up. I plugged my phone into charge and got myself comfortable. I closed my eyes, curling up into a ball on my side. I closed my eyes and waited for sleep to come. Instead my phone buzzed. I sighed, who the fuck was texting me this time of night? I rolled back over and grabbed my phone. It took my eyes a second to adjust to the bright screen. 

1 new message  
Eddie: I’m sorry to text you so late, can I come over? We need to talk

I sighed, I knew this would come sooner or later. I couldn't avoid him forever. I'd made sure to keep my distance over the months, partly to protect him and to protect myself. Should I maybe just ignore it and go back to sleep? Or maybe I should get it over and done with. Fuck it. I text him back, letting him know he could come over. I put my dressing gown and slippers on before waiting in the lounge. I turned the TV back on whilst I waited. Maybe I should make some coffee. I put a pot on and pulled out two mugs. I was already nervous to see him again. I kept glancing at the clock, waiting for my doorbell to ring. 

Finally, he arrived, knocking on my door. I did a quick check through the peep hole just in case. I undid all the locks and opened the door. Eddie was dressed in his usual green getup, offering me a soft smile. I avoided his gaze but let him inside. I closed the door behind him, unsure what to say.  
“I’m sorry it’s so late, I just wanted to see how you were. I haven't seen you since...you left him,” Eddie spoke.  
“I’m okay. I’m getting by thats what matters,” I shrugged.  
I offered him coffee which he accepted. We sat on the couch together, although I made sure to keep my distance. There was an uncomfortable silence between us, both of us unsure what to talk about. 

Eventually Eddie broke the silence, “you could come stay with me for a little while if you wanted. I can imagine it gets lonely here.”  
“I can’t do that. I have to stay here,” I replied.  
“Emerald your acting like your under-house arrest. You can’t stay here for the rest of your life. You can’t let him stop you from having a life.”  
I sighed, he just didn't get it. How could I expect him to understand? It irritated me how stupid he was.  
“If you came here to lecture me then you can go,” I said calmly.  
Eddie looked at me in disbelief, as if I was the one who was being unreasonable. I kept my gaze on my coffee mug. 

“You haven't spoken to me since I patched you up and now you wont even look at me!” He snapped.  
I flinched a little at his raised voice, which he noticed. He put his mug down and turned to me, taking my hands in his.  
“I’m sorry. I didnt mean too,” he apologised quickly, “I just need you to talk to me. I can’t help but feel I've done something wrong.”  
Now I turned to look at him, “no. You've done nothing wrong Eddie. Nothing at all.”  
“Then why have you avoided me? I thought now that you’re not with him anymore...we could....”  
“I can’t fall in love with you. I dont want the pain that comes with it,” I finally admitted.

Eddie looked at me like a wounded animal, like I'd just slapped him across the face. I let go of his hands and turned away from him. I wanted to be with him more than anything but there was one incredibly unpredictable factor. Jeremiah.  
“Emerald if this is about Isabella I can only apologize-" he started.  
“No. No this isnt about her. It hasn't been about her for years.”  
“Then what? Whatever it is I can fix it.”  
“If we got together again, I wouldn't have to worry about Jeremiah hurting me anymore. I'd worry about him hurting you and I dont want that. Can’t you see I’m doing this to protect both of us.”

“Emerald I understand your concern but that shouldn't stop you from being happy. I can protect the two of us-"  
“You don’t know him the way I do. You have no idea what he's capable of.”  
“I have an idea after the amount of blood you lost. Emerald you need to learn to accept help. You can’t do this on your own anymore.”  
“I can’t put anyone else at risk.”  
“We wouldn't be at risk. Oswald’s practically untouchable, Barbara wouldn't be worth his time and he isnt stupid enough to go after Zsasz.”  
I smirked at the idea of him going after Victor. Anybody that went after Victor was lucky if they managed to walk away. But I still didn’t want to put Eddie at risk. I’d rather we not be together and him be alive then give him my heart and be the reason he ended up dead. 

“Eddie, if I lost you because of him…” I trailed off, feeling a lump in throat.  
I avoided his gaze to hide my tears. Eddie placed a comforting hand on my bare knee.  
“You’re not going too. I don’t know what I can do to prove that to you, but I’ll do anything to make this better for you,” he reassured.  
Eddie turned me to look at him, cupping my cheek and wiping away my tears.  
“Your giving him what he wants by being like this. You’re not yourself because your afraid of how he’ll react. But he can’t control you anymore, he can never hurt you again if you don’t let him. The best way to get back at him is for you to move on and be happy,” Eddie explained.  
I let his words sink in, pausing for a moment. Maybe he was right after all.

I had been living in fear the past four months, not once leaving my apartment to go outside. I was becoming a fucking recluse. I had nightmares most nights, my sleep pattern now all over the place. This way of life wasn’t healthy. Why should I let Jeremiah live the rest of his life happy but not my own? I cursed myself for being so stupid. Even when I thought I’d been free from him I had still let him control me. I refocused on the man in front of me. The one who had been nothing but patient and kind towards me, the one who had patched me up god knows how many times. He’d waited so long for me, no wonder he was so frustrated. I placed my hand over his, welcoming his touch. 

“You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be loved. You should be worshipped night and day and I’ll do that…if you’ll let me,” Eddie spoke softly.  
I finally gave in, leaning forward and kissing him softly. Eddie pulled me closer, kissing me back like it was his only need. I pressed my forehead against his, my chest swelling, I hadn’t felt this happy in a long time. And I knew with Eddie I could be happy again.  
“I understand if you want to take things slow, I don’t want to rush you into anything and scare you off again,” he explained.  
“Would you stay the night? I’ve been struggling to sleep lately and maybe it would help if I knew you were there.”  
“Of course.”

We ended up staying up most of the night, discussing our relationship. I would need to take baby steps with a lot of things so that I could be myself again but I knew Eddie would be with me every step of the way.


End file.
